Building a Stairway to Heaven
How small steps pave the way for big shifts in physical and mental health
Why iterative improvements and appreciation are better than silver bullets when it comes to changing your health | Photo by Fizkes on Shutterstock
A few years back in San Francisco, I had the opportunity to work for a wonderful startup developing a neuroscience-based mental health platform. One of my favorite parts of the role was the chance to speak with our founder, an integrative neuroscientist with 40 years experience as a leader in the field. As a product manager, my challenge was to keep users consistently engaged with the platform long enough to see shifts in their mental health.
The challenge is that training mental health differs from strength training, where a weekly program can give fairly predictable results. When I asked our founder for advice in how to prepare users for their mental health journey, he said something that shifted my perspective:
The most important thing we can communicate to anyone training their mental health is that every time they practice brain training or make a choice that supports mental health, they are rewiring their brains and that’s already a victory. Therefore, encourage them to see each positive choice as progress.
Finally, rather than telling them how to expect to feel after a certain amount of practice, encourage them to reflect on their own progress. Once they notice — even in a small way — that these brain training and new choices make them feel good, they’ll want to keep going.
Though I appreciated his advice at the time, it took me years to apply it in my own life and understand its full value.
Start Where You Are
Almost exactly a year ago, I hit one of my lowest points in health and flew across the ocean for healthcare in Germany. I was struggling with an intense resurgence of arthritis, a dozen food sensitivities, and an undiagnosed systemic mold infection that weakened my immune system and left me exhausted. Beyond my physical health, my mental health was stretched to the limit.
I was in a new country, my immigration situation was unsettled, and I had no community or close relationships in Berlin as the winter of the energy crisis began.
At age 29, almost every part of my life was up in the air and the uncertainty and stress were growing. I alternated between frustration about the present and worry for the future.
One day, I realized I needed to try something different. I needed to accept where I was and whatever might happen and take small steps forward — even if small — to feel in control of my life again.
On the recommendation of my doctor, I began two daily practices: EFT Tapping and Dynamic Neural Retraining System (DNRS), a brain training program — similar to that of my prior company — that helps rewire the nervous system’s stress response over time. While regular EFT tapping helped me clear limiting beliefs and their associated emotions, DNRS helped me interrupt negative and anxious thoughts in the moment and replace them with new patterns.
In the beginning, negative thoughts and stress were so regular for me that I interrupted and redirected my thoughts to new patterns dozens of times per day and tapped not only at home, but on the metro and in cafes. For the first few days and even weeks, the effort felt greater than the results — and it was at a point of deep frustration that I remember what my former boss told me about framing the mental health journey: I needed to celebrate the choices I was making on a daily basis.
So rather than beat myself up for the stream of negative thoughts and beliefs I encountered, I began to appreciate my ability to notice and shift them. I remembered a phrase our founder used to use: “Every time you make a new choice, you rewire your brain.”
As I got more practice with shifting my thoughts and emotions, I learned to identify dark states of mind more quickly and switch out of them with two quick questions:
Do I want to keep feeding this way of thinking right now?
If not, what can I focus on that will bring me a little more joy right now?
The second question comes from the book “Microjoys” by Cyndie Spiegel, which I was reading at the time for inspiration. Spiegel coined the term “Microjoys” in the same year that her life imploded from the death of two family members, a global pandemic, and a breast cancer diagnosis.
In the midst of intense grief and pain, Spiegel began looking for the smallest bright spots in life — a luxuriously soft bathrobe, a laughing barista, a really good cup of coffee with just the perfect amount of milk and foam — to call her back to life. As Spiegel writes:
“Microjoys are internal. They are immediately attainable, intentional, and deliberate — transcending temporary circumstances to buoy us. With practice, microjoys become a way of living, an alternative to toxic positivity and the cynicism of the everyday. They teach us that all things are fleeting but we can still be grounded in what is possible, joyful, and true.”
Over the course of about four months, these daily practices shifted me from worry and anxiety to neutrality; from neutrality I shifted to curiosity; from curiosity I started to notice moments of happiness and engagement. As my mental health stabilized, I began to apply the same approach to my physical health by asking the question: What changes can I make that could help me feel 10–20% better every two weeks?
Every two weeks, I would try a new change and then notice how I felt from it. My first changes were small:
Drink 2 glasses of water each morning.
Take a morning walk around the block before going online or starting work
Try intermittent fasting and limit the eating window to 8 hours during the day; then try 7 hours
Practice alternate nostril breathing for 10 min total throughout the day
If I noticed an improvement in how I felt after two weeks, I kept it; if I didn’t, I tried something new.
By focusing on small shifts, I not only set reachable goals, but I became much more carefully attuned to my body and mind. I noticed changes in the quality of my skin, my breathing, and the shifting tension in my gut.
One day I realized for the first time how much my health had shifted. My food sensitivities decreased to a point where I could eat foods that previously triggered arthritis, my joints felt much stronger and more flexible, and my baseline state was calm and optimistic.
When I finally took a step back to look at the larger picture of my life, I realized that everything had shifted. Over the course of nine months, I had found a great job, a close group of friends, and soon after, I met a wonderful guy who is now my boyfriend. My health, which had been my biggest concern, was so stable that I rarely thought about it.
My housemate is now on a similar journey of shifting his physical and mental health and a few days ago, he asked me a thoughtful question: How do you get back to big feelings of joy and confidence after spending years not feeling your best? How do you feel emotions that you may not have felt for years?
Based on my own experience, I answered: start small. See if you can adopt a supportive mindset and a patient, kind attitude towards yourself, and then reach a state of neutrality and calmness in your emotions. Only then reach for states like curiosity, pleasure, and appreciation. If you keep taking small steps, you’ll catch yourself more often in moments of joy and happiness as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
